Dear Nature's Organics,
Where did our relationship go wrong? When we first met, you smelled of vanilla berry and wild lavender and lovingly caressed my hands. Our love blossomed, we set up house together and shared the household chores, you helping me wash my dishes and clothes. More recently, you bathed me in creme brulee and it was bliss. I love that you are free from cruelty and care for the environment.
However, our life together has been shattered. Your latest incarnation, Dry Moist Shampoo, does not care for me. He's ugly and he smells bad. He's also a liar, leaving me feeling damaged and unhealthy.
I feel betrayed.
Berry Dissatisfied and Seeking a Fruitful Resolution,
Rebecca Doyle
The response:
Dear Rebecca,
Thank you for contacting us regarding the disappointing experience you have had with Organic Care dry moist shampoo. We changed our hair care in order to use more environmentally sustainable ingredients but unfortunately these don’t agree with everyone.
I would appreciate it if you could reply with the batch code on the bottle. It can be found on the back of the bottle below the cap and will look like this: 02058 12:25. I will refund your purchase by way of a supermarket voucher (Coles or Woolworths/Safeway, your choice) as customer satisfaction is our number one priority.
I understand that monetary compensation will in no way make up for the broken heart you have so clearly suffered, but I do hope it may give you some closure, and allow you to move on. Please respond with your postal address as soon as you feel able, and I will get your voucher out to you so you can close this most distressing part of your life.
Kind regards,
Customer Service
P.S. Thank you for your (extremely) witty email!!
Success!! We received a $5 Coles gift card.
Wanna read my first funny complaint? See my Stamford Plaza hotel complaint letter.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Femail.com.au
Fun and feisty femme site Femail.com.au constantly has juicy prizes on offer: books, DVDs, jewellery, makeup, movie tickets and much, much more.
My article on the site explains how to become a competition addict:
How to Win Competitions and Free Stuff
My article on the site explains how to become a competition addict:
How to Win Competitions and Free Stuff
Roadtest #1: Funny Complaint Letters
Dear Stamford Plaza hotel,
My fiance and I booked the Winter Snuggler deal last year, eagerly anticipating some stylish, yet cosy, head attire.
Unfortunately, upon sleeping in and missing breakfast, we crawled downstairs to find that you had run out of beanies. We were told we should have been informed on arrival, but alas this had been overlooked.
Truth be told, I did not feel sufficiently snuggled by the Winter Snuggler deal. Now, to add insult to AWOL beanie, I have received a brochure advertising this year's Winter Snuggler deal and the prodigal beanie has returned. It's even unabashedly parading itself in a photo on some undeserving hussy's head.
That bitch stole my beanie!!
Yours Sincerely,
Beanie Bitter
(aka Rebecca Doyle)
My fiance and I booked the Winter Snuggler deal last year, eagerly anticipating some stylish, yet cosy, head attire.
Unfortunately, upon sleeping in and missing breakfast, we crawled downstairs to find that you had run out of beanies. We were told we should have been informed on arrival, but alas this had been overlooked.
Truth be told, I did not feel sufficiently snuggled by the Winter Snuggler deal. Now, to add insult to AWOL beanie, I have received a brochure advertising this year's Winter Snuggler deal and the prodigal beanie has returned. It's even unabashedly parading itself in a photo on some undeserving hussy's head.
That bitch stole my beanie!!
Yours Sincerely,
Beanie Bitter
(aka Rebecca Doyle)
Success. Two beanies promptly arrived in the mail:
Free Crap Roadmap
Places to find/win/grovel for free stuff include:
Blog giveaways
Caption competitions
Freebies and samples
Funny complaint letters
Internet competitions
Magazine "letters to the editor"
Photo competitions
Poker nights in pubs
Puzzles (crosswords, sudoku, etc)
Quiz shows
Radio stations
Shopping malls
Supermarkets
Surveys
Trivia nights
Twitter competitions
VIP clubs
"Watch and win" TV promotions
Writing competitions
"25 words or less" competitions
I LOVE WINNING will road-test these and more in the coming weeks...
Blog giveaways
Caption competitions
Freebies and samples
Funny complaint letters
Internet competitions
Magazine "letters to the editor"
Mystery shopping
Phone and SMS competitionsPhoto competitions
Poker nights in pubs
Puzzles (crosswords, sudoku, etc)
Quiz shows
Radio stations
Shopping malls
Supermarkets
Surveys
Trivia nights
Twitter competitions
VIP clubs
"Watch and win" TV promotions
Writing competitions
"25 words or less" competitions
I LOVE WINNING will road-test these and more in the coming weeks...
Saturday, December 19, 2009
I Love Interviewing Myself
My interview with myself about entering competitions...
1. Take me through a typical week of entering competitions.
Luckily enough, my job requires me to work phone shifts where it is difficult to do actual work between calls, as you’re constantly interrupted. Phone shifts are great opportunities to trawl the Internet for competitions and conjure up "25 words or less" entries between calls.
I usually come home and spend an hour or so each night on the Internet entering competitions. Sometimes I’ll skip this if I’m playing sport or I go out and I don’t worry too much about compensating for the nights away from entering competitions.
2. How many competitions do you enter per day/week?
When I’m really dedicated to entering competitions, I’ll try to submit 20-50 entries a day or more. Almost all will be online and many will be for competitions that have unlimited or daily entries.
3. What do you do when you’re not entering competitions?
When I started entering competitions I was studying at university full-time and working part-time. I now work 4 days per week for the government.
4. How did you begin entering competitions as a hobby?
I was bored and lamenting the fact I had no money for clothes and decided to enter competitions on the computer and it just grew from there.
5. What was the first prize you won?
A $200 Kookai voucher. I found out I’d won by a letter with the voucher enclosed. I spent it on a green singlet top, a pair of camel-coloured pants and a sparkly black halter top. It was great fun.
6. What’s the biggest/best prize you’ve ever won?
The best prize I’ve won is a holiday to Japan a couple of years ago. My partner received an email notifying us we’d won at about midnight and excitedly called me into the computer room. I was almost asleep, but the tone in his voice intrigued me. We were so ecstatic we called his parents and woke them up. Because they were half asleep themselves, his dad thought we were the victims of a hoax until we mentioned it again at the family dinner the next week.
I’ve won only two holidays full stop, and strangely enough we found out we’d won the other trip – to Melbourne this time – just after returning from Japan!
7. How much money do you spend on entering competitions?
Apart from my Internet connection, which I would have anyway, hardly anything! I would use one stamp a week, maybe, for mail entries and make a phone call every couple of weeks. Internet is definitely my preferred method of entry.
8. How much do you win per year?
Around $2000 worth each year, on average.
9. Why do you love entering competitions?
There’s no other hobby that is as much fun as entering competitions. It brings real happiness into your life and gives you the opportunity to try new things. Thanks to entering competitions, I’ve visited Tokyo Disney, seen famous comedians in Melbourne, entered a screaming competition, gone on a scavenger hunt around Adelaide and learnt how to do a reverse spin stunt in a Mini Cooper.
10. What’s the best way to improve your chances of winning?
Study examples of winning entries and just keep on entering!
1. Take me through a typical week of entering competitions.
Luckily enough, my job requires me to work phone shifts where it is difficult to do actual work between calls, as you’re constantly interrupted. Phone shifts are great opportunities to trawl the Internet for competitions and conjure up "25 words or less" entries between calls.
I usually come home and spend an hour or so each night on the Internet entering competitions. Sometimes I’ll skip this if I’m playing sport or I go out and I don’t worry too much about compensating for the nights away from entering competitions.
2. How many competitions do you enter per day/week?
When I’m really dedicated to entering competitions, I’ll try to submit 20-50 entries a day or more. Almost all will be online and many will be for competitions that have unlimited or daily entries.
3. What do you do when you’re not entering competitions?
When I started entering competitions I was studying at university full-time and working part-time. I now work 4 days per week for the government.
4. How did you begin entering competitions as a hobby?
I was bored and lamenting the fact I had no money for clothes and decided to enter competitions on the computer and it just grew from there.
5. What was the first prize you won?
A $200 Kookai voucher. I found out I’d won by a letter with the voucher enclosed. I spent it on a green singlet top, a pair of camel-coloured pants and a sparkly black halter top. It was great fun.
6. What’s the biggest/best prize you’ve ever won?
The best prize I’ve won is a holiday to Japan a couple of years ago. My partner received an email notifying us we’d won at about midnight and excitedly called me into the computer room. I was almost asleep, but the tone in his voice intrigued me. We were so ecstatic we called his parents and woke them up. Because they were half asleep themselves, his dad thought we were the victims of a hoax until we mentioned it again at the family dinner the next week.
I’ve won only two holidays full stop, and strangely enough we found out we’d won the other trip – to Melbourne this time – just after returning from Japan!
7. How much money do you spend on entering competitions?
Apart from my Internet connection, which I would have anyway, hardly anything! I would use one stamp a week, maybe, for mail entries and make a phone call every couple of weeks. Internet is definitely my preferred method of entry.
8. How much do you win per year?
Around $2000 worth each year, on average.
9. Why do you love entering competitions?
There’s no other hobby that is as much fun as entering competitions. It brings real happiness into your life and gives you the opportunity to try new things. Thanks to entering competitions, I’ve visited Tokyo Disney, seen famous comedians in Melbourne, entered a screaming competition, gone on a scavenger hunt around Adelaide and learnt how to do a reverse spin stunt in a Mini Cooper.
10. What’s the best way to improve your chances of winning?
Study examples of winning entries and just keep on entering!
Japanese Porn
So many memories from our free holiday to Japan, including a porn warning (or "porning") for weary travellers...
Our first night in Tokyo. 11pm in our quiet suburban hotel. My (now ex-) partner discovers the pay-per-view porn channel on TV and accidentally unlocks it. Me having the slightly better mastery of Japanese, he begs me to explain to the reception staff. Disbelief. I force him to trudge downstairs too. Surprising enough, the Lonely Planet guidebook doesn't include such common phrases as "I don't want to pay for the TV porn that my horny-yet-hapless boyfriend unlocked". I settle for various permutations of the Japanese words for "no", "sex", "television", and "money". Disbelief again, this time from hotel staff. They go to a translator web site. We type our request in English and the hotel staff are nodding. Relief.
During less hair-raising moments in Japan, we managed to capture some photos.
Our first night in Tokyo. 11pm in our quiet suburban hotel. My (now ex-) partner discovers the pay-per-view porn channel on TV and accidentally unlocks it. Me having the slightly better mastery of Japanese, he begs me to explain to the reception staff. Disbelief. I force him to trudge downstairs too. Surprising enough, the Lonely Planet guidebook doesn't include such common phrases as "I don't want to pay for the TV porn that my horny-yet-hapless boyfriend unlocked". I settle for various permutations of the Japanese words for "no", "sex", "television", and "money". Disbelief again, this time from hotel staff. They go to a translator web site. We type our request in English and the hotel staff are nodding. Relief.
During less hair-raising moments in Japan, we managed to capture some photos.
Prizes I've Won
The prizes I've won include:
- Kookai $200 clothing voucher
- 5-night trip for two to Japan, including flights, transfers, accommodation, 2-day pass to Tokyo Disney and entry to Studio Ghibli museum
- Trip for two to Melbourne for 1 night, including flights, accommodation, entry to 2 sessions at Melbourne International Comedy Festival
- $200 shopping voucher at local West Lakes Mall
- Dr Who DVD
- $400 Breville coffee machine from Myer Centre Adelaide
- Blackmores capsules and vegetarian cookbook
- Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker eau de parfum 50ml spray, with limited-edition DVD beauty case including all six seasons of Sex and the City
- Sex and the City DVD box set (yes, another one!)
- $440 BMW driver training course in a Mini Cooper
- Double in-season movie pass to The Break Up movie
- Mission Impossible 3 poster, cap and movie pass
- Morish nuts prize pack
- Bardot bikini
- Revlon Sunkissed Glow pack
- $1,000 Westfield shopping centre shopping spree and John Tucker Must Die DVD
- $1,000 and a year's supply of toilet paper
How It All Began...
I began entering competitions as a cash-strapped university student living in public housing a few years ago. I was studying full-time and working hard, at times in two jobs, but had little spare cash to spend on my great loves – clothing, shoes, and travel.
There weren’t enough hours in the day to take on another job and I decided to make my hobbies more profitable instead. I began searching the Internet for competitions and scoured the local supermarket aisles for entry forms. I found a huge range of promotions available and entered as many as possible. Several weeks later, I won a $200 shopping spree in one of my favourite stores, Kookai.
I’ve been addicted ever since.
My competition wins now include holidays to Japan and Melbourne, a $1,000 shopping spree, makeup packs, DVD box sets, movie tickets, clothing, perfume, and electrical appliances.
This blog will be packed full of hints to help you on your way to a winning lifestyle too. I hope you have fun. Good luck!
There weren’t enough hours in the day to take on another job and I decided to make my hobbies more profitable instead. I began searching the Internet for competitions and scoured the local supermarket aisles for entry forms. I found a huge range of promotions available and entered as many as possible. Several weeks later, I won a $200 shopping spree in one of my favourite stores, Kookai.
I’ve been addicted ever since.
My competition wins now include holidays to Japan and Melbourne, a $1,000 shopping spree, makeup packs, DVD box sets, movie tickets, clothing, perfume, and electrical appliances.
This blog will be packed full of hints to help you on your way to a winning lifestyle too. I hope you have fun. Good luck!
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