Funny Complaint Letter #3

Priceline ticked me off today, so I filed a complaint. Let's hope they send a huge basket of "I'm sorry". Preferably Revlon.

Dear Mrs Priceline,

For nigh on 15 years, I have partaken in Priceline's moderately-priced makeup and hair accessories. Today, prescription in hand, I tried your pharmacy section. I had been unsure whether you even *had* a functioning pharmacy and now I see the answer is, technically, no. The service I received was not at all functional. Actually, it was far more f*ucked-tional.

You see, I was enjoying my God-given right to wear whatever I damned well pleased on my day off. For me, this consists of not taking several hours to straighten my hair and frocking up in my finest trackie dacks. I did, however, stop short of donning ugg boots. Labouring under the apparently mistaken apprehension that your pharmacy staff would occasionally see unkempt people with all manner of medical afflictions, I thought they would likely not give a crap. Not so. The pharmacy ass-istant suddenly gets all mouthy with the questions, assuming (a) I'm on welfare and (b) my desire for her to dispense two servings of my chosen medical product at once is an attempt to stock up for my drug dealing activities. I am informed that vaginally-inserted plastic contraceptive rings have an excellent street price, especially secondhand, and feel I am missing out on a lucrative career. Years at law school wasted.

Having moved out of Hoity-toityville two years ago, I've since relished driving to my local down-to-earth mall and *not* being judged on the number of Louis Vuitton accessories adorning my person. Until now. Lift your game or you will pay the price(line) in losing a formerly loyal customer.

Yours (somewhat) sincerely,

Pissed Off with Priceline